motorchrome

Here it comes. The occasional rant. I am driving to work this moring watching this booger-picking Asian dude in a really classy Oldsmobile Alero recklessly changing lanes probably a total of ten times. I say booger-picking Asian not as a racial attack. Simply put, the man was Asian and picking his nose. I mean really digging for gold. Maybe this was the reason that he did not once use his signal to indicate a lane change.

For the love of all things holy - where do you people take your driving classes/exams? Is there an alternate test that I am not aware of? The one I took years ago was very explicit on signal usage. Maybe it is that all of you assclowns just don't care. I don't know what is worse either - the self-important d-bag who is too busy on his phone to take part in the activity of driving or the guy or gal that just simply stares straight ahead, seemingly unaware of the dangerous faux pas. Either way, when you try to change lanes into the same lane that I am moving into, but without your blinker ... well, your move doesn't count in my book. Fortunately I tend to remain alert when I drive and put my lipstick on before the car starts moving, so I usually see the specimen furtively drifting across lanes. This illustrates the danger though; what if I weren't paying attention? Well...we would crash.

I tried to indicate the booger-picker that he should use his signals when he changed lanes, but unfortunately I think I just looked like a silverback gorilla from the zoo doing some type of mating/alpha-male display. Where are my LED spinners when I need them!

People continue to amaze me. If you are ready to take your ride to a new level of idiocy, check out the PimpStars. I am sure they only weigh 120 lbs. a piece, which does wonders for suspension components, ride, and handling. Assclowns across the country have been defying logic for several years now, ruining their cars in the name of "looking cool".


These new wheels get me thinking, though. Hmmmmm.....a new way to communicate with other drivers. I wonder if I could program these things on the fly? Just off the top of my head, here are a few short little snippits I might slap on my dubs:

1. USE UR SIGNALS!
2. BANDANAS R COOL
3. G.E.D WASNT B.I.G.
4. MOVE B4 I RAM U
5. STEAMING POS

If you read my earlier post on the my Lexus GS 300 and the things that people do to them, you will realize what the fate of my car is.

I ran across a short article on Edmunds Inside Line about the Japanese Yakuza crime syndicate and their car culture. It is a shame that the article is so short, because I think it is fascinating to understand what are the "go-to" vehicles when this type of organization wants to send a message. Apparantly Mercedes Benz gets the nod over in Japan, which is not totally surprising seeing as the German car marques are still considered top dog over there, and the Japanese luxury brands barely exist (a strange comment in the article refers to the Lexus LS, which has only recently been sold under that name - previously it was the Toyota Crowne).

I am not sure I totally understand the fascination with the Yakuza. Seth Cohen from the O.C. seems to like them, so I guess I am in. They certainly looked fun in Kill Bill - kind of like a roving motorcylce gang of Katos.

More about the Yakuza here.

I have always had a soft spot for Volvo's. The movie Crazy People, starring the late hobbit Dudley Moore, featured a fictitious ad campaign that summed it up nicely: "Volvo. They're boxy but good." Very true. I or my family has owned about a half dozen Volvos, most of them the 200 series. Unassuming cars, but built like tanks and full of little innovations that were well ahead of their time. I guess it takes a certain person to really understand the value of good engineering. Some people's cranks just don't get turned by it. I was trying to explain this to a co-worker of mine who falls into this category. "Volvo's are just...boring" he proclaimed, while adjusting the seat of his gold Chrysler Sebring, the ultimate Thrifty Del Boca Vista cruiser. Yeah...Volvos are boring. Is it just me, or do the interiors of Sebrings smell like impending death?

They're boxy but good. Well, maybe Volvos are not that boxy anymore. They are still good though. In sharp contrast to GM and SAAB, Ford has left Volvo alone for the most part and they are doing better than ever. In this spirit, I thought it appropriate to provide a little history lesson on the nave 'Volvo'. Having studied Latin, I have known for a long time that Volvo meant "I roll". The significance of this name is that Volvo was once a ball-bearing company. Get it? The Volvo symbol, which some mistake for the male symbol so shagadiciously featured in the Austin Powers films, is really the symbol for iron ore, again tying back to the ball bearing manufacture. Anyway, Volvo has decided to return to their roots and more prominently feature the symbol front and center on the grills of their not-so-boxy-but-still-good cars. Check out the full story here, as well as other fun Volvo stuff at Sweedespeed.

Here is more navigation news. I am a total whore for it. TomTom released news on updated features for its new 910 and 510 models. One of these features is called "Buddies" and allows you to see, in real-time, where your friends are. This sounds pretty cool, and I sure do like gadgetry in all its forms - but I can't help but wonder what this technology would lead to. I think it would be cool for saying "Hey, Lavar is down the street over at Eastern Motors. I will give him a ring and we can go grab some Indian buffet". I could also see this: "MegMeg is at the Shoppers Food with her new boyfriend BillBill and I am going to drive through the f'ing front door of the place and..." (well, you get the picture). Granted, I assume that both parties would need to a) have a Garmin 910 or 510 GPS unit and b) have mutual agreement that they are on each other's "buddy lists". Here is my real prediction - the annoying street-racer crowd will use these to meet up "Need for Speed:Undergound" style and duke it out with their giant-wing-sporting Civic DXs and Tiburons.

None the less, it is interesting to see what types of technology these folks keep packing into these devices. The price is right for this feature too - free.